Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Vitamins!


What luck! I got a job today at the farmacia down the street from my house! I really wowed them with my Spanish. "Mi medio nombre es la salud...Si, Quiero mucho salud...Adoramo las farmacias!"

I also got a bartending job on my friend's sister's total YACHT. It might be more of a plate clearing job, but I'll be practicing mixing martinis til next Friday May 8 just in case. I'll use Britta water for gin and tap water for vermouth. Must stay hydrated and alert - the vitamins won't sell themselves!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Enumerators Emeritus!


So many of us turned in our devices on Monday morning.

The Census officials spoke over big, loud fans in an elementary school lunch room. Based on our performance and location, there may be more work, etc.

Time to move on...

Friday, April 24, 2009

My late Device!


I have got to turn in my classified information seeking device to the Census Office on Monday. Also my cute Census Bag. I thought that was mine to keep. I'd better stop storing my food in it.

It was nothing you did wrong - there just wasn't enough work for all the Census Takers. (No one told me that).

Another wave of Census Work will start up again mid July. (That was a rumor from back in the days of Census Training when everything made sense).

'09 Enumerators will be called to start the 2010 canvasing work in March. (Another rumor from the days of Censless training)

70-75% of Enumerators who graduate from Spanish 1 in May 2009 will go on to be Census takers in March 2010. (I started that rumor).

Former Census Enumerators have a better chance of getting Customer Service jobs with cellular telephone companies in their neighborhoods than candidates who have not worked for the U.S. Census. (hope hope)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Limbo!


Happy earth day! I still have My classified information device - all is not lost! Here is a Census article that my friend sent:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/census/2009-04-15-census_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Sweet and Low!

I was just let go via text.

My crew leader said, "The office recycles your names and you might get called for the next assignment. I'm taking away some Enumerators' (top secret info devices) away but not all."

What a psycho! Do I get to keep mine?

I have grown to love it so much over these last two weeks - When I swipe my index fingerprint over the sensor, it says: Found Finger. Before it lets me do any work, it asks me my favorite color. And It always asks me if I'm Sure.

I am not EVEN done with my screenplay.

Monday, April 20, 2009

sugar!


What luck! My leader knew someone in the office. She did not get terminated, and now she's sweet as can be.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Intrigue!



My leader told me to turn my hours in to someone else - She was called downtown. They told her to bring her classified info device w/ box and extra stylus! Luckily, I got another assignment for today.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Alive!


Just barely - I only had 2 hours worth of work today. But what a beautiful day for census taking. There certainly are some beautiful addresses in Brooklyn.

My crew leader told me that I average 24 units an hour, and I should speed things up to 25. She told another guy to slow down or there won't be any work left for the rest of us.

Tomorrow is supposed to be gorgeous. Give me another 2 hours. I'll plow, I swear. I'll keep my eyes off the buildings and on the units.

When I followed up on my cooking interview, the lady sounded happy to hear from me. She hasn't made a decision yet. I might send some muffins.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Who?




My Census Superior called a mandatory meeting for tomorrow. Everyone in the crew must bring her sensitive data collecting device with box, battery, and extra stylus. Those of us who are very bad at being census takers must turn in our badges! But we won't know who we are til the meeting at 2:30. She hasn't given me any more work, so I assume I'm axed. Luckily, my cooking and cleaning interview went very well. Thanks to all of my tidier friends who gave me great house keeping advice!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

House Keeping!



Knock knock!

My big chief told me that she was probably going to have to let some of us go because we (enumerators) have no idea what we are doing. This lady- my immediate and only contactable superior - was my PEER in census training. I don't know who died and made her crew leader, but RIP.

I have no work for tomorrow but I plan on keeping a lo pro. From what I gather, she doesn't like it when people talk to or look at her. Maybe she'll give me another assignment if I don't bother her for a day or two.

Meanwhile, I went back on craigslist and applied to be a cook and housekeeper at a bed and breakfast. Surprisingly, I have an interview tomorrow. I'm going to talk more about cooking than house keeping as I am not too tidy.

But I will wow the Inn Keeper with my first day on the job menu which is coffee can bread, scrambled eggs, sweet home fried potatoes, and pomegranate soda. Day two: biscuits and gravy, sausage and hot sweet tea.

The Bed and Breakfast is in Brooklyn, so I'll enumerate it while I am there. Hopefully, this gesture will knock my crew leaders socks off. But probably it won't. And if it does, I might have to wash them.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Comeraderie!





So many people I ran into today while census taking told me that they were also trying to get census jobs. Times are tough. I hope they are on my Team!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

You again?!

There was too much info to collect. I did not make it to the audition. But it's fine - more time for screen play writing and census taking.

There is a coveted census job called Quality Controller. $22/hr! After the enumerator walks around in the rain - knocking on doors, gathering top secret info, the QC follows in her footsteps to find out everything she did Wrong.

Enumerators and QCers are arch enemies.

I hope my QC is my look alike.

I just TOLD you how many people live here - You think I just had a BABY? Did You think I DIED? Get outta here, Haircut - I'm watching a show!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Nada!

I can't say a word - but oh my gosh - I can't stop gathering census info early enough. I must audition to be a singer/dancer in park slope tomorrow.

I'm going to do an Elvis song and a Bananarama one. I am supposed to dress in drag. Hopefully Mr. Miagi drag is good enough because that's all I have to work with.

I am your density - I mean - You are my sensei - I mean...

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

inTents!


My job as an enumerator is pretty much to update addresses so that the real March 2010 people have an easier time of it. I don't feel bad about this - in fact - I hope to play my cards so well that I keep my job til 2020. From what I've seen (as of day 3), it seems feasible that I could blend in with the training manuals and just stay.

For further information on how to count myself as a federal employee til the end of time, see diagram A in chapter 2 of my slacks.

Due to the sensitive nature of the census, I can't say anything else - Except that I got the great idea to sublet my gazebo. It is totally habitable. cha-ching!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Sensitive Data!


I can't say a word re: the 2010 census. If I do, I'll get thrown in the slammer for 5 years. I will also have to pay $250,000.

It seems like I should have to either pay a lot of money OR go to jail. It's dumb to have to do both. Still - I won't say a word - except that I get to carry around a sensitive data machine that scans my index fingerprint!

It has a stylus that looks great with my sophisticated clothes.

My job title is Enumerator. So far, my screen play is about Enumerator look alikes. If there's one thing I like - it's a look alike. Luckily, at the Self Help Future Center - one guy looks like me, 2 ladies look like each other, and another guy looks like Bryant Gumble. It's a great beginning!

Too Soon!

I left my old look too soon! The Self Help Future Center would go with it so perfectly. It was the best place ever for my first day of work. I felt right at home. Super fancy chandeliers with orange-ish dim light, disco ball, mirrored dj booth (or confessional), and a walk the plank stage with giant old speakers and a bucket for catching the rain.

There is no place I would have rather been, and I can't wait to get back.

Yesterday I learned that all census info is classified. So I'm not saying anything. (Except now I know the signs to look for to know if a dog is about to attack!)

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Tomorrow!

How will I ever sleep? I am hours away from a full time job. This changes everything!

To prepare for my awesome new census job that starts tomorrow - I had a closing ceremony. I said an official goodbye to the hobo chic look that I have been honing for the past 10 years.

Goodbye breadbags in my shoes in the rain. Goodbye sock sleeves. Goodbye 9 hoodies at a time. Goodbye paint trousers. Goodbye paint boots. Goodbye paint sweaters. Goodbye thong city. I will miss you.

It is hard to let you go - you are the only look I've known. The next few weeks will be hard for both of us, but we'll be better for it. Believe me when I say I don't regret one day with you. Tomorrow will be hardest of all -- it's supposed to rain. That's when you and I really shined.

Don't be a stranger.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Success!

Up at dawn. My soup party was civilized and indoors. Each bite was better than the last. I am totally full.

After my 100th bowl of soup, I got a great idea about how to get maximum usage out of my census job - A census screen play! It's a must!

Maybe I had the idea a while ago, but the soup brought it to life and gave it a deadline which is the date my last check gets direct deposited into my account.

The census job is supposed to last between 5-10 weeks. I hope it's closer to 10 because I write ssslowww. So much to do! I have a lot of other projects in the works, but P.P.T.M* is going to have wait til 2010.

Master cleansing taught me how much I love deadlines. and soup. To prepare for census taking, I froze individual things of it to take for lunch. all week.

*Pregnancy Pact The Musical

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Last Day!


To celebrate my 10th day of Master Cleansing, I wanted to buy a big turnip or parsnip for soup stock at the Chinese market. I bought the closest looking thing which turned out to be a daikon radish.

Never mind Spanish Class (which I was totally tarde for because of yard work) - I should take Chinese Class. Good thing I like all food - this radish could be the best part of my soup - especially since I carved it into star shapes!

The Census people called today and said that training on Monday is at the Self Help Future Center! Doesn't that sound like the Best Place to go? I am so pleased. To prepare, I packed my 2 forms of id and my bank info (Direct Deposit!!).

I also found the fastest subway route from my house to the S.H.F.C. 49 minutes. I'll meet you on the corner of business and casual!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Gazebo!

Wrestling my gazebo awning was a real trick. Luckily, my focus, drive and dexterity were at an all time high. Thank you Master Cleanser! Day 9 and my zest for back yard entertaining is infinite.

Tomorrow I may clip and weed. I found a spooky root that is making my concrete slab of a yard bubble and rent. It's bright green, orange and yellow - looks alien and hard to cut. But I imagine that I will be unstoppable on Day 10.

I called the census office today to prepare for work. I couldn't find the address they gave me for census training anywhere on the internets. (Was I going to take a trial run? You bet.) Turns out they have to book a whole new venue and will call me on Friday. I hope they pick my back yard!