Dress for Success!

New job idea -- I'm breaking into the fashion industry!! I made the hautest dress last night out of a t-shirt, 2 curtains, a marker, and some random accessories. I didn't buy a thing - and I don't have a sewing machine - and I didn't measure - But it looks like I paid a fortune!! If I make my own business suit for my next job interview - I'm sure to be making 6 digits by the end of the year.

In it to win it!

Great News! I'm still on the short list for the flower arranging job! I hope I don't take a long walk off it anytime soon - (even though it has been over a month since I interviewed!) - I am ready for a peaceful and balanced workplace. Although I will miss these uniforms I have been wearing lately. They make me feel like I really BELONG.

45K What?!

Cupcake Truck, Schmuckake Truck! That would have been a good idea 2 years ago. Cupcakes are played -- give me a pie truck any day. Or a pie yacht!

I'm interviewing for a job on Tuesday where they want to give me 45K plus 401K plus health, dental, and vision for arranging flowers and being pleasant - Come on!

I can't believe this job exists in '09 - it's at an investment firm. I won't try to hide my royal blue hairstyle, and I won't work on Fridays. Hopefully, my extreme pleasantness will make that alright!

Thriller!

I love taking tests, and I love getting A's! I studied hard to be a food handler. I am in high demand on the cupcake truck.

It is a new business, and my boss can't believe my enthusiasm. He wants me to work every shift plus drive the truck!

He said that all the other applicants were dead people. English is not his first language. Let's hope my new co workers aren't Real Zombies!

Yachtzee!

If there's one thing I like, it's cookin' - everyone likes to eat! I feel so popular! Working in the galley is right up my alley.

I'm taking a food handling test on Friday so I can also get a job on a cupcake truck. Food on the move is muy ahora.

See ya!

See ya, Farmacia - wouldn't wanna be ya! I said good bye to my healthy friends today. I was really enjoying the pricing gun - I had to change prices from $2.59 to either $2.49 or $2.79, and from $5.09 to either $4.99 or $5.29 It was up to me to price high or low - what power!

So what could be more awesome than working in a pharmacy down the street from my house? Working on a Yacht for triple the dollars! I spent the last three weekends working on the fanciest boat on the harbor - and there is nothing but work as far as the eye can see...

Wednesday, I'll be a wedding dress model on it! Saturday, I'll work in the Galley!

Poquito

Working at the farmacia is as good as getting paid to learn Spanish. What a perk! There is a lot to love about the job: close to my house, pricing guns, 15% discount.

My favorite part is reading greeting cards to old ladies. My second favorite part is selling perfume - My boss can't believe how good I am at it.

My secret: make the customer think that SHE smells really good. "That smells so good on your skin!" I was telling someone about her pH this morning (in English and really fast - she thought I was a scientist).

I hope I get promoted to pharmacist next week!

Counterfeit!

I learn something new every day at my job at the pharmacy! It turns out that it is really easy to make your own Five and Twenty dollar bills. People pay with them all the time in my neighborhood. They look so real! I haven't busted anyone myself (I just learned the cash register today), but my coworkers LOVE to.

In my hay day as a census enumerator, I only remember one resident who was really not in the mood to talk to me. Everyone else was either nice or confused. Maybe there really WAS only one housing unit in that nice big brownstone -- and the other rooms were occupied by printing presses and small bills!

Flu!

Everyone loves the pharmacy - it is the place to be! The most popular products include: hand sanitizer, face masks, and Airborne.

My boss insists that I say, "We have been waiting for you for 10 years" if someone asks how long we have been in business.

He says a little humor is good for sales. I agree, but I think that's a weird joke. So far, most people just ask me where the WIPES are.

Vitamins!

What luck! I got a job today at the farmacia down the street from my house! I really wowed them with my Spanish. "Mi medio nombre es la salud...Si, Quiero mucho salud...Adoramo las farmacias!"

I also got a bartending job on my friend's sister's total YACHT. It might be more of a plate clearing job, but I'll be practicing mixing martinis til next Friday May 8 just in case. I'll use Britta water for gin and tap water for vermouth. Must stay hydrated and alert - the vitamins won't sell themselves!

Enumerators Emeritus!

So many of us turned in our devices on Monday morning.

The Census officials spoke over big, loud fans in an elementary school lunch room. Based on our performance and location, there may be more work, etc.

Time to move on...

My late Device!

I have got to turn in my classified information seeking device to the Census Office on Monday. Also my cute Census Bag. I thought that was mine to keep. I'd better stop storing my food in it.

It was nothing you did wrong - there just wasn't enough work for all the Census Takers. (No one told me that).

Another wave of Census Work will start up again mid July. (That was a rumor from back in the days of Census Training when everything made sense).

'09 Enumerators will be called to start the 2010 canvasing work in March. (Another rumor from the days of Censless training)

70-75% of Enumerators who graduate from Spanish 1 in May 2009 will go on to be Census takers in March 2010. (I started that rumor).

Former Census Enumerators have a better chance of getting Customer Service jobs with cellular telephone companies in their neighborhoods than candidates who have not worked for the U.S. Census. (hope hope)

Limbo!

Happy earth day! I still have My classified information device - all is not lost! Here is a Census article that my friend sent:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/census/2009-04-15-census_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip

Sweet and Low!

I was just let go via text.

My crew leader said, "The office recycles your names and you might get called for the next assignment. I'm taking away some Enumerators' (top secret info devices) away but not all."

What a psycho! Do I get to keep mine?

I have grown to love it so much over these last two weeks - When I swipe my index fingerprint over the sensor, it says: Found Finger. Before it lets me do any work, it asks me my favorite color. And It always asks me if I'm Sure.

I am not EVEN done with my screenplay.

sugar!

What luck! My leader knew someone in the office. She did not get terminated, and now she's sweet as can be.

Intrigue!

My leader told me to turn my hours in to someone else - She was called downtown. They told her to bring her classified info device w/ box and extra stylus! Luckily, I got another assignment for today.

Alive!

Just barely - I only had 2 hours worth of work today. But what a beautiful day for census taking. There certainly are some beautiful addresses in Brooklyn.

My crew leader told me that I average 24 units an hour, and I should speed things up to 25. She told another guy to slow down or there won't be any work left for the rest of us.

Tomorrow is supposed to be gorgeous. Give me another 2 hours. I'll plow, I swear. I'll keep my eyes off the buildings and on the units.

When I followed up on my cooking interview, the lady sounded happy to hear from me. She hasn't made a decision yet. I might send some muffins.

Who?

My Census Superior called a mandatory meeting for tomorrow. Everyone in the crew must bring her sensitive data collecting device with box, battery, and extra stylus. Those of us who are very bad at being census takers must turn in our badges! But we won't know who we are til the meeting at 2:30. She hasn't given me any more work, so I assume I'm axed. Luckily, my cooking and cleaning interview went very well. Thanks to all of my tidier friends who gave me great house keeping advice!

House Keeping!

Knock knock!

My big chief told me that she was probably going to have to let some of us go because we (enumerators) have no idea what we are doing. This lady- my immediate and only contactable superior - was my PEER in census training. I don't know who died and made her crew leader, but RIP.

I have no work for tomorrow but I plan on keeping a lo pro. From what I gather, she doesn't like it when people talk to or look at her. Maybe she'll give me another assignment if I don't bother her for a day or two.

Meanwhile, I went back on craigslist and applied to be a cook and housekeeper at a bed and breakfast. Surprisingly, I have an interview tomorrow. I'm going to talk more about cooking than house keeping as I am not too tidy.

But I will wow the Inn Keeper with my first day on the job menu which is coffee can bread, scrambled eggs, sweet home fried potatoes, and pomegranate soda. Day two: biscuits and gravy, sausage and hot sweet tea.

The Bed and Breakfast is in Brooklyn, so I'll enumerate it while I am there. Hopefully, this gesture will knock my crew leaders socks off. But probably it won't. And if it does, I might have to wash them.

Comeraderie!

So many people I ran into today while census taking told me that they were also trying to get census jobs. Times are tough. I hope they are on my Team!

You again?!

There was too much info to collect. I did not make it to the audition. But it's fine - more time for screen play writing and census taking.

There is a coveted census job called Quality Controller. $22/hr! After the enumerator walks around in the rain - knocking on doors, gathering top secret info, the QC follows in her footsteps to find out everything she did Wrong.

Enumerators and QCers are arch enemies.

I hope my QC is my look alike.

I just TOLD you how many people live here - You think I just had a BABY? Did You think I DIED? Get outta here, Haircut - I'm watching a show!

Nada!

I can't say a word - but oh my gosh - I can't stop gathering census info early enough. I must audition to be a singer/dancer in park slope tomorrow.

I'm going to do an Elvis song and a Bananarama one. I am supposed to dress in drag. Hopefully Mr. Miagi drag is good enough because that's all I have to work with.

I am your density - I mean - You are my sensei - I mean...

inTents!

My job as an enumerator is pretty much to update addresses so that the real March 2010 people have an easier time of it. I don't feel bad about this - in fact - I hope to play my cards so well that I keep my job til 2020. From what I've seen (as of day 3), it seems feasible that I could blend in with the training manuals and just stay.

For further information on how to count myself as a federal employee til the end of time, see diagram A in chapter 2 of my slacks.

Due to the sensitive nature of the census, I can't say anything else - Except that I got the great idea to sublet my gazebo. It is totally habitable. cha-ching!

Sensitive Data!

I can't say a word re: the 2010 census. If I do, I'll get thrown in the slammer for 5 years. I will also have to pay $250,000.

It seems like I should have to either pay a lot of money OR go to jail. It's dumb to have to do both. Still - I won't say a word - except that I get to carry around a sensitive data machine that scans my index fingerprint!

It has a stylus that looks great with my sophisticated clothes.

My job title is Enumerator. So far, my screen play is about Enumerator look alikes. If there's one thing I like - it's a look alike. Luckily, at the Self Help Future Center - one guy looks like me, 2 ladies look like each other, and another guy looks like Bryant Gumble. It's a great beginning!

Too Soon!

I left my old look too soon! The Self Help Future Center would go with it so perfectly. It was the best place ever for my first day of work. I felt right at home. Super fancy chandeliers with orange-ish dim light, disco ball, mirrored dj booth (or confessional), and a walk the plank stage with giant old speakers and a bucket for catching the rain.

There is no place I would have rather been, and I can't wait to get back.

Yesterday I learned that all census info is classified. So I'm not saying anything. (Except now I know the signs to look for to know if a dog is about to attack!)

Tomorrow!

How will I ever sleep? I am hours away from a full time job. This changes everything!

To prepare for my awesome new census job that starts tomorrow - I had a closing ceremony. I said an official goodbye to the hobo chic look that I have been honing for the past 10 years.

Goodbye breadbags in my shoes in the rain. Goodbye sock sleeves. Goodbye 9 hoodies at a time. Goodbye paint trousers. Goodbye paint boots. Goodbye paint sweaters. Goodbye thong city. I will miss you.

It is hard to let you go - you are the only look I've known. The next few weeks will be hard for both of us, but we'll be better for it. Believe me when I say I don't regret one day with you. Tomorrow will be hardest of all -- it's supposed to rain. That's when you and I really shined.

Don't be a stranger.

Success!

Up at dawn. My soup party was civilized and indoors. Each bite was better than the last. I am totally full.

After my 100th bowl of soup, I got a great idea about how to get maximum usage out of my census job - A census screen play! It's a must!

Maybe I had the idea a while ago, but the soup brought it to life and gave it a deadline which is the date my last check gets direct deposited into my account.

The census job is supposed to last between 5-10 weeks. I hope it's closer to 10 because I write ssslowww. So much to do! I have a lot of other projects in the works, but P.P.T.M* is going to have wait til 2010.

Master cleansing taught me how much I love deadlines. and soup. To prepare for census taking, I froze individual things of it to take for lunch. all week.

*Pregnancy Pact The Musical

Last Day!

To celebrate my 10th day of Master Cleansing, I wanted to buy a big turnip or parsnip for soup stock at the Chinese market. I bought the closest looking thing which turned out to be a daikon radish.

Never mind Spanish Class (which I was totally tarde for because of yard work) - I should take Chinese Class. Good thing I like all food - this radish could be the best part of my soup - especially since I carved it into star shapes!

The Census people called today and said that training on Monday is at the Self Help Future Center! Doesn't that sound like the Best Place to go? I am so pleased. To prepare, I packed my 2 forms of id and my bank info (Direct Deposit!!).

I also found the fastest subway route from my house to the S.H.F.C. 49 minutes. I'll meet you on the corner of business and casual!

Gazebo!

Wrestling my gazebo awning was a real trick. Luckily, my focus, drive and dexterity were at an all time high. Thank you Master Cleanser! Day 9 and my zest for back yard entertaining is infinite.

Tomorrow I may clip and weed. I found a spooky root that is making my concrete slab of a yard bubble and rent. It's bright green, orange and yellow - looks alien and hard to cut. But I imagine that I will be unstoppable on Day 10.

I called the census office today to prepare for work. I couldn't find the address they gave me for census training anywhere on the internets. (Was I going to take a trial run? You bet.) Turns out they have to book a whole new venue and will call me on Friday. I hope they pick my back yard!

Data!

Today to prepare for my census job, I read this article that my friend sent:

http://www.economist.com/world/unitedstates/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13145406

I had no idea there was so much political intrigue surrounding the census! I can't wait for my first day on the job. I hope they tell me I'm a spy.

Some additional data that I plan on collecting when I go door to door census taking:

if people are in a good, bad or so-so mood when I get there; if their mood has changed by the time I leave; greetings and closings; use of verbal crutches (like, or whatever, do you know what I mean, etc); what food I think has been most recently cooked in their house based on smell..

Day 8 of master cleanser! Piece of cake. It gets easier every day. Some people do this for 30 days at a time. Not me - two days left. Today I bought some mushrooms and ginger and so much garlic.

A friend is coming over to make and eat soup with me on Friday AM! Can you imagine anything better than a huge thing of vegetable soup with whole cloves of roasted garlic, pearl onions, whole little potatoes, roasted rosemary sweet potatoes, and ginger and mushrooms and collard greens?! I cannot.

Tomorrow it is supposed to rain, so I think I will scrub the bird poop off of my gazebo awning in it. I can hardly wait to sit on my swinging couch in my gazebo after a long day of census taking.
Tonight, I will watch the football movie I got from the library. I heart sports.

Potatoes!

To prepare for my upcoming census job, I took I beautiful stroll through Prospect Park. Flowers are almost ready. So much can happen!

Then I went to Trader Joes for more limes and a bigger thing of syrup. I thought I'd be saving money on this cleanse, but I've been buying fancy syrup like hot cakes! The grocery store in my neighborhood sells a teeny thing of syrup for $8.37. The bottles are unreasonably difficult to open.

I pride myself on my super human physical strength. I am a bohemoth - get out of my way. But after 15 minutes of trying to get at my fancy syrup, I had to run and ask my landlady to try to open it for me. I was super hungry and in a hurry.

She wasn't home, so I asked my new neighbor. Success - but he probably thinks I'm a big wimp/weirdo because I asked him to open another one 3.5 days later. Those syrup folks put their lids on too tight. Lighten up.

The big vat I got today will last me til Thursday and beyond (Day 7 of cleanse!). I also bought some ingredients for the vegetable soup I am going to house on Friday AM! Potatoes. Little, round, different colored ones. Beautiful like stones. I can't wait to roast em.

Tomorrow I'm going to buy some tiny onions. Tonight, rock music at the Delancey.

headband

Today to prepare for my census job, I found a so-so way to mask my hair style. Wait - that picture turned out great! This way is the best!

A pony tail holder bridges the gap between parts A and B, and a headband gets rid of the crazy bangs while covering the purple and blue. I look dynamite!

In further preparations, I feng shuied my apartment a little with incense, mirrors, and a new art work. I made my limes and syrup more accessible by pulling them out of the fridge and into the real world (a.k.a. my spice rack). Making these delicious drinks has Never Been Easier.

(Day 6 of Master Cleanser - what focus! what clarity! I can probably read your Mind!)

Tomorrow - I'm going to make or buy loads of headbands for a professional look.

You smell great!

Day 4 of Master Cleanser was a challenge. I felt so light - like I could have gone aloft. I prepared for census taking by getting some $3.35 silver shoes. I hope we get to wear uniforms, and I hope that we are allowed to wear black, brown or silver shoes with them!

Day 5 is better - half way through the cleanse! I feel grounded and awake. Also everything smells really good. I got a bunch of movies from the library, and I am going to prepare for the census by watching Chinatown.

Here is a link to the master cleanser recipe should you need it:

http://mastercleansesecrets.com/step3.php

It says that you should use organic lemons and grade B maple syrup without formaldehyde, but I use limes and grade A maple syrup with formaldehyde. Lemons are really expensive.

¡No es fea - eso de mode!

Spanish class was challenging today. (Day 3 of the Master Cleanse). I had to translate: "It's not ugly - it's in style."

This is what I will tell people after I survey them. I want each resident I talk to to have higher self esteem when I leave. Luckily, I think everyone will get a little ego boost when I turn to go and reveal the back of my hair!

The good people of Vidal Sassoon still haven't paid me the $200 they owe me for this deconstructionist look. The man on the phone said that it takes 60 days for the paper work to get processed. That is dumb.

Happily the census pays every week!

To further prepare for my new awesome job - I'm going to see my friend sing in Greenpoint.

New Friends!

There is so much to do to get ready for my new job! I want to get to know my neighbors better - I think you can only be a census taker in your own zip code.

Today I played net-less badminton in my neighborhood community center with my landlady. It is so fun there! Ping Pong in one room. Fan dancing in another room-- Regular dancing in another.

In the main room, most everyone was doing Tai Chi except a few of us playing badminton. After Tai Chi was over at 10am, there was couples dance class! I really wanted to ask someone to dance. But my landlady likes badminton only. Plus my hair looks insane. (Day 2 of Master Cleanse!).

At least the people who saw me today won't be so shocked when I come knocking at their door, asking who lives in their house. And maybe they'll be more forgiving of my haircut because they know I am really good at badminton.

I got a job!

I get to be a census taker! 2010 here I come. Training starts on April 6th. I want to be so good at it. I am learning Spanish and doing a Master Cleanse to prepare. Tengo Hambre - and it's only day 1!

Here's a link to US Census Bureau Maps and Cartographic Resources - should you need any:

http://www.census.gov/geo/www/maps/

Now I will try to upload a rough of the hit song Cartographer by my awesome no name rockband to put us in the mood for surveying .

It will be so nice to walk around Brooklyn in the Spring!

It will be so nice to take a break from searching the Craigslist job listings - I get so addicted. I was about to buy a bunch of headshots today so I could be cast as an extra Alien in V the show. Good thing I didn't have any money because that would have been a mistake!